


what i didn't say

by voidnicole



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Brief mentions of other characters - Freeform, Grief/Mourning, I wrote this such a long time ago, M/M, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, im sorry, they don't really matter to the story line lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 08:34:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18937300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidnicole/pseuds/voidnicole
Summary: "Steve..?"basically, i didn't like how the marvel writers wrote this scene in Infinity War (what's new) so i rewrote it myself. i hope you like it.





	what i didn't say

They were fighting. He couldn't think about much else, other than the fact that they were fighting. Steve and his friends, Steve and people he just met, Steve and the person he loved. They were all just, fighting. Fighting to stay alive, fighting to keep others alive, fighting for their countries and planets and loved ones. Steve was fighting. 

Steve Rodgers was currently fighting a dog-like creature, thousands of them in fact. He smashed the shield T'Challa gave him against the heads of one-two-three of these creatures. They kept coming, Steve had one second to make a snarky remark to Thor about his hair and then the monsters were right back on him. Steve punched, kicked, and slashed through the air at them and they all fell to the ground, limp and bloodied, as Steve moved onto the next one. They just kept coming, they never seemed to let up. He just remembers hitting. He just remembers the sound of the bones in their bodies breaking as he hit them, as he destroyed them. Steve felt bad for these mindless animals. As he hit and kicked and smashed these creatures, he couldn't help but feel as if they didn't have a choice. He didn't know much about Thanos but he couldn't imagine anyone or anything willingly working for him. 

When it did let up, he remembered Vision in the woods and Bruce calling for backup. Steve found an entrance into the woods where there was minimal damage after he was sure the others on the battlegrounds could handle what was left of Thanos's creations. He runs into the woods and immediately sees one of Thanos's children hovering over Vision. Remembering Vision is too weak to protect himself, he runs toward the creature and tackles him to the ground. He recalls hearing someone yell for Vision to get out of there, but he never realizes it was him until it's almost too late. The man is standing over him, his hand closed around Steve's neck and he begins searching every crevice in his body for an ounce of air. The man seems to be there for hours, but it only takes seconds for Vision to get up from where he was sitting, slumped against a tree trunk, and thrust the man's own knife into his back, making him release his grip on Steve's neck. Steve pushes air into his lungs and looks accusingly at Vision, who had then fallen to the ground, exhausted. Steve had told him to go. Vision reminded him that they weren't trading lives.

Steve returned Vision to his tree stump when Wanda came rushing back. She had been hit and flung somewhere, she was probably hurting, but the first thing she asks Vision is if he's okay. Steve smiles to himself before attempting to return to the fight when Vision groans. He looks around, obviously frightened and in pain. 

"He's here."

\--

Steve grips his new shield tighter and glances all around him, his gaze not holding onto something for too long. He's here. He's here. He's here. That's all he hears echoing inside his mind. He is steady on his feet but his heart pounds louder than the sound of the fighting just outside the woods. Steve looks into the sky, shield suddenly feeling too heavy in his hands, suit suddenly feeling too tight, sun suddenly feeling too hot. It's seemingly silent for another five minutes. Or, what felt like five minutes. Could have just as easily been five seconds. He senses that something's wrong, so he touches his hand to his ear and speaks to whoever is listening on the other side. On his position, they had incoming, he had said. On his position. 

He doesn't remember when the fighting from outside the tree line stops and he doesn't remember when Nat, Sam, Rhodey, T'Challa, Okoye, and Bucky make their entrance into the woods. He does remember taking his eyes off the sky for one second to look at Bucky. One last look, he thought. One last look was all he needed in case Thanos killed either one of them on the battlefield that day. 

It only takes that one second for Thanos to appear. He came in a ball of dust and lightning and he wasn't at all what Steve was expecting. He stepped through the portal and Steve can almost hear what Banner had said, but everything was clouded over. He was only focused on the man with a glove that had five of the six infinity stones. Thanos was too close to the last stone and Steve could only imagine what he would do to get his hands on it. Steve huffed as he equipped his shield and told the rest of his team to keep their eyes up and to stay sharp. He pushed Bucky out of his mind, he couldn't let his worries take over and cloud his judgment. He shouldn't have. He did. 

Thanos walked towards the group of fighters with a stoic look on his face. He hoped his face also looked stoic and that his face did not convey the many embarrassing things he was feeling right now. He was inevitably wrong, Steve was almost positive his face betrayed him. 

Banner ran towards the giant and right through him it seemed. Steve released a breath he didn't realize he was holding and ran towards Thanos himself. With only the flick of his hand and the clench of his fist, the man flung Steve away from him. Steve fell to the ground with a loud thud and all the air was once again pushed out of his lungs. He can't remember who goes after Thanos next, all he can remember is rolling onto his elbows, struggling to force the air back into his body. He hears his friends landing on the ground all around him, hears their groans of pain, their yelps, their pleas for assistance. Steve gets to his feet slowly, holding onto his side with one hand and pushing off the ground with the other. He allows the air to rush back into his body as he starts running toward the man-giant. He hears Bucky's screams and tries to push them to the back of his mind as his heart beats a little quicker. He runs fast enough to get in front of Thanos and then takes out all the anger he has on this one man. This man that has killed so many people already and injured too many of his friends. This man that underestimates Steve and his ability to pack a punch. Everybody always underestimates Steve. 

When he looks back on it, he doesn’t remember. He doesn't remember losing his shield. He doesn’t remember at which point did his real adrenaline kick in. He doesn't remember. 

Thanos underestimated Steve.

Steve punches and punches and punches until he can't anymore. Thanos's huge hand is close to coming in contact with Steve's face, but he puts his hands up to block it. He puts his hands in front of his face like he always used to do in those dark alleyways back in Brooklyn. Like he always use to when Tony or Sam would spar with him. Steve pushes back against the force of Thanos's strength. Steve yells and pushes, feeling like even the tiniest inch Thanos gets pushed back would help. He pushes against Thanos with every ounce of strength in his body. He remembers Bucky's yells and the faces of his friends as they realize they are no match for this guy. Steve pushes and feels the serum rush through his veins as Thanos realizes the strength of this seemingly harmless man. Steve and Thanos look into each other's eyes as they both push against the other's strong hold, his own yells getting louder with every millimeter he pushes Thanos back. 

Steve doesn't see it coming, though. Not until the last minute at least. He doesn't see the big rearing fist that would be bearing down on him in the next couple seconds. He doesn't see anything but black for the first 20 seconds. He lay face down on the ground, not able to get up, feeling as if he were paralyzed. He can't remember. 

Steve can hear everything. Wanda's screams, the sound of Vision's soft confession of love, the Soul Stone exploding, Vision's cries of anguish, and even Thanos rewinding time to retrieve the last infinity stone and brutally killing Vision for the second time in 15 seconds. Steve is still unable to move, vision still black, and the dirt he lays in sticking to his bloodstained face. Steve hears Thor's unmistakable voice cut through the thick air. He hears muffled parts of their conversation before beginning to try to stand. He believes Thor may have Thanos under wraps and he hopes to get a punch or two in before they kill him. Steve's vision is blurry, but he can still see what's around him as he holds himself up on a rock nearby. His friends are all lying around him, but Bucky is still no where to be seen. Steve tries not to panic as he rushes towards Thor and Thanos. He hears Thor's yells and tries to run faster, but his injuries make it hard to push himself. Steve doesn't make it in time. Thanos has already disappeared and Thor stands helpless, a foot away from where Thanos once knelt, Thor's axe in his chest. Steve looks to Thor for information. 

"Where'd he go?" His head on a swivel as he turns in place, looking for the man who almost killed everyone Steve loved. "Thor, where'd he go?" He looks to Thor, but there is only silence.

"Steve..?" He turns his head and there stands Bucky. Steve almost smiles in relief before he notices something is wrong. Bucky steps toward him as his body slowly disintegrates in front of Steve's eyes. He glances at his disappearing arm before looking up at Steve, terror in his eyes. Steve is still too far away to hold him, but he reaches his arms out anyways. Hoping he just has a concussion and he's hallucinating. Something's wrong. Something's wrong. Something's wrong. Steve can’t figure it out, he's too busy trying to get to Bucky as fast as he can, but he gets there too late. He gets everywhere too late. He's always too late. Bucky drops his gun and falls to the ground, eyes still on Steve's. One second he's there, the next Steve is swimming in what seems to be Bucky. Everything Bucky ever was, is now ash on the ground. His hair, his smile, his eyes, his beautiful eyes- it was all ash. He was all ash. 

Steve fell to his knees next to his best friend, his family, the love of his life. He lifted what was left of Bucky off the ground, the ash falling through his fingers. Silent tears slipped through his closed eyelids and down his dirt smudged and bloodstained face. He wanted to yell, but he feared that if he did, Bucky would blow away, leaving Steve with nothing. So he whispered. 

He whispered to his friend, his Bucky while the people around him disintegrated just like Bucky. Except they weren't just like Bucky. None of them were just like Bucky. Bucky was Bucky. 

Bucky was the one who would threaten to beat up anyone who looked at Steve funny in grade school. Bucky was the one who offered his couch to him after Steve's mother died. Bucky was the one who went to stupid movies with him when he couldn't get dates. Bucky was the only person alive who knew his mother. Whenever Steve got upset or anxious about the kids at school, Bucky would always tell him stories about all the good things she had done for him and Steve when they were younger. Steve already knew those stories, but hearing them from Bucky always calmed him down or cheered him up. 

Steve wished he could say all these things to Bucky. Steve wished he was given more time. Steve wished Bucky was given more time. He had so much more to tell him. He had so much more to show him. He went over everything he didn't say, everything he didn't get the chance to say. 

Steve could hear everything, but the only thing in his sights was the remains of the man he loved. The man he will always love. Steve couldn't remember before, but now…

Steve remembers everything.


End file.
